The Closet Case
by Reynsi
Summary: Inner monologues of the Witter brothers, connected to the first appearances of Doug. Hope you enjoy and feel free to leave comments!


**Doug Witter**

_How can he see right through me? What is it that gives it all away? I've always managed to keep a lid on my feelings, never acted on them, never done anything that should give it away. I mean, he's what? a teenager, and he just gets it! And I've never got it myself. And it's me we're talking about. Me! I should be the one that understands the situation, the one that understands me. My God, I'm the grown-up. And he's just a kid, for crying out loud. But somehow ... somehow he just sees right through me – to the core of me._

_And I hate him for it._

_Because he doesn't back off. Every chance he gets, he uses to tease me about it. My taste in music, my taste in movies, the way I dress. Why doesn't he stop it? Why? What is it that makes him go on and on about it? And not just to myself, to his pals, to his teacher._

_Still, not to our parents, come to think of it. Never to them!_

_How come?_

_How come he's never tried to make our dad realize what it is he's so certain of himself?_

_I wish I could ask him, speak to him about it, find out. How he knows? And why he doesn't tell our dad?_

_But I can't. Because that would mean admitting he's right. And I can't._

_And I hate myself for it._

**Pacey Witter**

_I love teasing my brother. It's just too easy. He's so self-conscious about his situation. I don't mean him being gay – and I don't mean that I'm a hundred per cent sure he is gay, although, if he asks, of course, I am – no, I mean just his role and function in society. Deputy Doug! Perfect son of Sheriff Witter. Not to be criticized or ridiculed at any cost._

_I don't know whether he's gay or not. I wish I could just have a real conversation with him about it, you know, just ask him, calmly. Get him to talk. But I know it's impossible. He'd never agree to that conversation._

_But something's bugging him. That's for sure! You don't get all that defensive and uptight without there being a reason._

_Sure, he's had some girlfriends since I can remember, but I don't know, there's always been something off about the whole thing. It's like, he's too polite, if you catch my drift? Like, he treats them too well. Not that I think he should be mean to them, but ... I don't know ... not like they're goddesses. That's it, he's too smooth, for someone who's not a player. You just know there's something hiding underneath._

_And when you look at his CD collection. It doesn't actually shout out STRAIGHT, does it!_

_The worst thing is, I KNOW he's unhappy. And there's nothing I can do about it! Not a damn thing!_

_So I tease him._

**Doug Witter**

_I've always known. _

_When I was a kid, I used to ask myself, 'Why me?' all the time. _

_Okay, I still ask myself that question. Life would be so much easier if I was straight. If I was straight I might manage to keep a girlfriend. There's always something that goes wrong. I guess they kind of feel that I'm not that interested. It's always them who break it off._

_But I've never done anything about it._

_I say I've always known. I mean, even before I remember having a crush on anyone, I still knew. _

_Weird, ay? _

_The first boy I 'saw' was a new guy who started in our class a bit later when I was six or seven. I remember feeling like I wanted him to be my friend so bad. So, of course, I couldn't approach him and just stood by as the other boys befriended him. In the end, it was him who started talking to me. At first I didn't know what to say. He must have thought I was deaf and dumb. But thank God I finally managed to speak and joined the others. _

_There have been many since, but never have I acted on my feelings._

_I almost did once._

_It was in my senior year in high school. He was a junior who I knew through my girlfriend at the time. Actually, she'd just broken up with me. He was her best friend so I rang him to ask why she'd done it, and he asked me to meet him in a café. I agreed and we met up._

_Guess it kind of was a date._

_He told me that she felt that things were a bit off with me. And then he added that he thought he knew why._

_I fell into the trap and asked the question._

_'Because you're gay, dude!' was his reply._

_I didn't know what to say. Didn't even think to deny it. Just sat there, so scared, and didn't say anything._

_And then he asked whether I wanted to go on a real date._

_I so wanted to say 'yes'._

_I didn't._


End file.
